I just pynch a tree in the face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As shirtless as possible
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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