We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
