We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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