when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
