my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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