i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
