This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
