She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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