I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
