I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
