I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
