She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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