Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
