he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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