I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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