I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
