yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
