so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize