At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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