If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
