I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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