this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Green mimosas i think yes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
