I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
