i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
