Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
