you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
