Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
