So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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