Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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