i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
