Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
whose parrot is this?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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