one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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