Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
