i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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