so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please come you make the beer taste better
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
