saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
