Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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