Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
