Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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