i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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