Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
