Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes

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(614): View more from Ohio

She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

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(209): View more from California

Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.

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(314): View more from Missouri

On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.

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(925): View more from California

I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.

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