my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
