The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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