I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
