$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
