I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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