flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
