you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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