Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
