i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
