Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
