im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
