Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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