yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
