i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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