my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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